John Tucker Must Die (TheBenOyler Style)
Synopsis Help Timon and Pumbaa explore the journey of John Tucker Must Die to see Scott Tucker, John Tucker's main villain! Airdates * July 28, 2006 (Theaters) * November 14, 2006 (DVD) * March 31, 2019 (John Tucker Must Die 1½ and TheBenOyler on YouTube) Main Characters * Timon - Meerkat * Pumbaa - Giant Warthog * Uncle Max / Ma - Timon's parents from the meerkat colony * Simba - Lion * Rafiki - Monkey Transcript Timon and Pumbaa at the Cinema: John Tucker Must Die {the video begins with the 20th Century Fox logo.} Pumbaa: I gotta tell you Timon, that soul always gets me right here! Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa. Well, enough of that! {He holds up a remote control and begins fast-forwarding through the movie} {Camera pulls back to show Timon and Pumbaa in silhouette in a row of theater seats, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.} Pumbaa: Uh... Timon, what are you doing? Timon: I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in! Pumbaa: {aghast} But you can't go out of order! Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote! Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused! {He grabs a second, bigger remote} We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. {He begins rewinding the movie} Timon: We are not in the beginning of the story! (A shot of the girl at a spelling bee is shown.) (SFX: Monkey Screech) Pumbaa: Yes, we were! The whole time. (A shot of Kate's bathroom break is shown, but plays in reverse.) (SFX: Confusing Squawk) Timon: Yeah, but they don't know that! (A shot of Kate's first kiss in the car with Beth is shown.) (SFX: Lion Roar) Pumbaa: Then Why Don't We Tell Them Our Story? (A scary shot of Scott Tucker is shown. This image causes Timon and Pumbaa to scream, and duck in their seats.) (SFX: Loud Growl) (They came out of the seats to see an image of Scott Tucker.) Timon: Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we tell him our story? Pumbaa: Oh, I like the sound of that. Timon: A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story! Pumbaa: 'Cause what they don't know is how we really were there even though they didn't know we were there, you know? Timon: Couldn't have said it better myself! {rewinds the movie again} Pumbaa: So does this mean we're going back to the beginning? Timon: {melodramatically} Oh, no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back... to before the beginning. When I Was Young... Timon: Pumbaa, how could a spelling bee be proud? It's Spelling Bee! Pumbaa: Well Timon, the only reason why the Spelling Bee is what people spell. Timon: Yes, humans spell millions of words a lot! Where I come from we didn't have nothin' to be proud of. Why: {clears throat; singing} When I was a young spelling kid... Pumbaa: {singing} When he was a young SPELLING KID...! {blows Timon off his seatback} Timon: {peevishly} Very nice. Pumbaa: Thanks! Timon: But maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from. Pumbaa: Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up? Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa. But it ain't pretty. Pumbaa Sitting on the Remote {John Tucker Must Die is interrupted by Adam Sandler's Click and Pumbaa's sitting on the remote.} Timon: Hey, what's going on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote! Pumbaa: Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie. No Fortune Cookies Timon: How convenient. Enter omniscient geek girl right on cue. Pumbaa: Well, you know what they say. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Timon: That's it. No more fortune cookies for you. {clicks the remote; the movie resumes} Look Fat? Pumbaa: You really think I look fat? Timon: {sighs} Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. You're a pig! It's a compliment. Pumbaa: Thank you. Pumbaa Pauses John Tucker Must Die to Get Some Grubs Pumbaa: You mind if I pause it for a second? Timon: Sure, go ahead. Pumbaa: Be right back! {Timon cracks his neck one way and then the other, grunting. As Pumbaa clatters off-screen, Timon scratches in his ear, sniffs, hums "It's a Small World After All", and casually picks his nose. Just as the sound of a popcorn popper comes to a stop, Timon pulls out a big booger, which squishes between his fingertips. He gasps as he realizes Pumbaa is coming back. He frantically looks for a tissue; seeing none, he tries to shake it off his hand, then to flick it off. Finally he wipes it on the seat just as Pumbaa returns, with a huge bag of bugs.} Pumbaa: Okay, I got the jumbo so we could share. {He pauses for a beat, as he realizes Timon is just sitting there stock-still.} ...Were you just picking your nose? Timon: {indignantly} Nooo, I had an itch on the inside! {He grabs some bugs and chows down, then clicks the remote.} Timon Crying Pumbaa: {shocked} Timon? Are you crying? Timon: {sobbing} I'm fine! I—I just have something in my eye. Pumbaa: {holding out a hanky} Here, blow. Timon: Ohh. {blows his nose; hands the hanky back} Here, Pumbaa. Pumbaa: {sarcastically} Gee, thanks. Timon: {getting a hold of himself} Okay. I'm better. Where's the Grub? Timon: {quietly} Pumbaa... where's the grub? Pumbaa: Puhh. {opens his mouth; the ladybug staggers out, all mauled up} Timon: {exasperated} Ohhh. You just can't help yourself, can you? Pumbaa: Sorry. Timon: Okay... but this time, show a little self control. Running Timon: What was with the running? If you can call that running. Pumbaa: I was giving you time to catch up! Timon: You big lug. Timon and Pumbaa Rewind John Tucker Must Die Timon: {narrating as the camera continues to truck out, ending with the silhouettes and the theater seats} Well, that's it. The big wrap-up, the happy ending, the grand finale. Pumbaa: {whimpering} It's over already? Timon: Well, Pumbaa. That's the thing about endings. They come at the end. Pumbaa: {brightening} Ooh! Can we watch it again? Timon: Pumbaa, we just saw it. Maybe tomorrow. Ma: {entering in silhouette} Hey, what are you guys doing? {gasps as she sees the screen} You didn't tell me you were watching the movie! I wanna watch too! Timon: Ma, we just finished. Show's over. Ma: Well, you're just gonna have to rewind it! {grabs Pumbaa's big remote and begins rewinding} Timon: {pained} Ma! Ma: {calling offscreen} Uncle Max! We're gonna watch the movie! Timon: {despairing} Oh, no! Uncle Max: {entering, carrying a box of popcorn} Hey, I brought extra butter. Simba: {entering, walking along the seatbacks} Hey, you guys are watching the movie? Rafiki: {swinging in on vines} Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Any story worth telling is worth telling twice. {The silhouette of Mickey Mouse walks in and sits down.} Timon: What the... {Snow White comes in, followed by the Dwarfs.} Snow White: Oh, excuse me... Happy: 'Scuse me. Sneezy: 'Scuse me. Doc: 'Scuse me. Sleepy: 'Scuse me. Bashful: 'Scuse me. Grumpy: Get outta the way. Timon: Who is this crowd? {The Genie flies in and sits down in the middle, followed by Aladdin and Jasmine on the flying carpet; Belle, the Beast, Mrs. Potts and Chip, Lady and the Tramp, and the Hippo from "Fantasia" are also seated in this row.} Timon: Hey, down in front! {In another row, Goofy, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and Donald Duck are sitting; Stitch crawls down the wall and jumps from head to head until he gets to a vacant seat.} Stitch: Oho! Goofy: Gawrsh! Stitch: Aloha! Donald Duck: {unintelligible squawking; he makes fists at Stitch} {In still another row, Quasimodo and Pocahontas sit at opposite ends of the row; Peter Pan flies in, followed by Tinker Bell, and imitates a rooster's crow. The Lost Boys all pile in, shouting. Switch to Timon's row, where he's holding two large bodies apart to keep them from squashing him.} Timon: Watch it! {straining} Unnnh! {Timon's row has Terk, Dumbo, Brer Bear, Mowgli, Baloo, the three gargoyles, and the three fairy godmothers from "Sleeping Beauty"; Terk and Victor the gargoyle squeeze together, and Timon squirts out from between them like a watermelon seed. He lands next to Pumbaa as the movie is still rewinding, towards the beginning.} Timon: {resigned} Okay, buddy. You win. Pumbaa: Sure you don't mind? Timon: {sincere} Hakuna Matata. {stops rewinding to see the 20th Century Fox logo} Pumbaa: But Timon... {fades to darkness} I still don't do so well in crowds! Gallery Then_Why_Don't_We_Tell_Our_Story_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|ZOINKS! When_I_Was_a_Young_Meerkat_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #1: John Tucker Must Die Pumbaa_You're_Sitting_on_the_Remote_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #2: John Tucker Must Die No_More_Fortune_Cookies_for_You_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #3: John Tucker Must Die You're_a_Pig_It's_a_Compliment_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #4: John Tucker Must Die Pumbaa_Pauses_John_Tucker_Must_Die_to_Get_Some_Grubs.png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #5: John Tucker Must Die Timon_Are_You_Crying_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #6: John Tucker Must Die Pumbaa_Where's_the_Grub_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #7: John Tucker Must Die What_is_With_the_Running_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon and Pumbaa Interrupt #8: John Tucker Must Die Uncle_Max_We're_Gonna_Watch_the_Movie_(John_Tucker_Must_Die).png|Timon's mom rewinds John Tucker Must Die Category:Timon and Pumbaa at the Movies Segments Category:Go!Animate The Movie Wiki